


Who Is In Control

by BatManty77



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: "Control" By Halsey, (Fenhawke's children my rendition), AU where HAwke and Companions stay in Kirkwall after Mage rebellion., Aveline - Freeform, F/M, Fenris' worst fear, Hell, It's all hell, Music headcannon, merrill - Freeform, this is upsetting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6486463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatManty77/pseuds/BatManty77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marian Hawke is trapped in a cave while playing with her children. Fenris is afraid and heartbroken that she might be dead. But opportunity arises for Hawke to escape and be with her family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dangers of a Saturday

**Author's Note:**

> SO this is basically just a headcannon I created on a road trip to the song "Control" by Halsey. Please listen it's really good, but it might give away some of the plot (unless it's already obvious).

Fenris generally liked to do the chores around the house. Since Orana had left to start a family outside Kirkwall, and Bodahn left with his son to move on in the Free Marches, he and Marian were happy to take over the work rather than hire more help. They didn’t mind though, keeping themselves busy with house work and their two small children was better than fighting bandits on the daily. Sure, he or Hawke would take an odd job here and there, but never anything too dangerous.

Today though, Fenris was facing the most danger he’s faced since the mage uprising: Hightown Market on a Saturday morning. Oh but he loved it. Large amounts of people he could drown in and go by unnoticed. No merchant asking him about his tattoos or a noble commenting on his unusual hair color. He was but a speck of white in the hazy summer day. He did this nearly every week, insisting he do the shopping for the family to avoid Marian buying only sweets and pastries. Every so often, he’d bring one of his children, Leandra or Leto, along with him. Letting them sit on his shoulders, towering above the crowd to point out specific booths or friends. But today he was alone. Marian had taken the children, along with Merrill, to the lower valleys of Sundermount for a picnic.

Merrill had quickly become their teacher, already experienced as the First of her previous clan, she thoroughly enjoyed being with the children. Fenris was hesitant at first, when Leandra was young, still uncomfortable with the blood mage being around the infant, but she very quickly proved her good intentions. Shortly after Merrill began her lessons with Leandra, Leto was born and Fenris doted over his son. Insisting he look over any education Leto might receive. That was, until fires started. Leto was a fitful, angry child who had inherited his father’s uncanny temper. But with every tantrum came smoke and small fires around the baby. Fenris’ fears were realized, his beloved son was a mage, and fairly powerful one according to his wife. So Merrill and Marian agreed to look after his control on his magic. And they did, once Leto was old enough to understand, but every so often, there’d be smoke billowing from his hands. He was a child after all. Still, Leto and Leandra had wonderful teachers who were constantly showing them the beauty and good in magic,

He was excited that today Leto would be learning small healing. Marian, Merrill, and himself had been collecting small cuts for his practice. Knife nicks on fingers, hangnails, scrapes, cooking burns, a splinter or two. Everyday things that he could heal quickly. Fenris thumbed the bandage around one of his fingers, impatient to have it healed.

Finishing his shopping, he returns to the estate and begins organizing the groceries. The house was quiet, save for his own footsteps and the boil of water on the fire for tea. He whistled loudly, recalling the lullaby Hawke often sang, but was interrupted by a loud call. His name echoed through the front hall and into the kitchen where he stood, getting louder every few seconds. Fenris followed the voice, recognizing it immediately as Merrill.

“Fenris! Oh thank the creators! You’ve got to come with me!” He could see the panic in her dilated eyes. “It’s Marian.”


	2. This Is Not Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris doens't handle news well and Hawke think she's invincible.

“How did this happen?” Fenris seemed infuriated. Merrill sighed.  
“Marian and I were playing with the children just inside a cave. Leto got upset though and started to burn the rock around us. Marian tried to calm him down, but he just got angrier.” Fenris’ face fell a little.  
“He hasn’t had a tantrum in weeks.”  
“I know.” Merrill sounded just as disappointed as he was. “But when she grabbed Leto, he just-” She looked for a way to explain. “-he just exploded.” A spear of fear pierced his chest.  
“Is he okay? Is he burned? What about Leandra?”  
“The kids are fine Fenris. When Leto, um exploded, the rocks above him had started to collapse but Marian pushed him out of the way.” He let out a breath of relief.  
“Thank The Maker for that at least. And Hawke?” She didn’t respond immediately.  
“She got stuck in the rockslide. I tried to dig her out, but I’m not strong enough.”  
“Then let’s go. Where are the children?”  
“I left them with Donnic in the Barracks. Aveline is getting a couple guards to come help us.”

 

They sprinted down into the valley, a small battalion of guards lead by Aveline following behind. Arriving at the cave, Aveline started directing her guards, but quickly diverted her attention to Fenris. She never thought she’d see his tanned face go so pale. His eyes were fixated on the rocks.

“Fenris.” Aveline put a hand on his shoulder. “We’re going to do our best to get her out of there.”

“I want to help. I need to get her out of there.” He dove to the rocks, pulling small boulders from the rubble.

“Oh Fenris.” Merrill approached him cautiously. “Please don’t, you’ll hurt yourself.” He didn’t stop grappling at stones, going mainly for ones larger than his own head.

“Leave me be! I cannot just sit and watch.” She moved next to him and saw his hands were bloody, cuts covering the palms of his hand. Tears left wet streaks in the dust on his face. “Hawke!” Fenris began yelling. “Marian! Are you injured?! Are you okay?!” His screams were met by silence behind the rock. 

“Fenris!” Aveline yelled from behind him.”Enough.” She pulled the hem of his shirt to stand him up. He put up no fight now. “My men are working to free her, they can do that more efficiently without you blabbering and bleeding all over.” She let go of him and his body drooped, defeated. Merrill held his hands, healing the wounds and emanating warmth into his arms.

“She will be fine. We all know Hawke. She’s done so many things that seemed impossible. A small rockslide is nothing.”

Inside the cave, Marian was knocked out cold on the uneven ground. She stirred and held her head, feeling where her skull met the rock. Sitting up and trying to evaluate her surroundings, she saw that the cave was pitch black, that no amount of light could be seen. She held a hand in front of her face, but still couldn’t see it. Then, trying to move around a little, a sharp pain follows up her foot into her knee. Hawke winced in pain and spoke to herself aloud.

“Just great, first my son tries to kill me, then I pulverize my ankle.” She created a small fireball in her hand to illuminate her leg, assessing the damage. Her foot couldn’t be seen behind a large rock that was crushing the area just above the joint.  
“You fought Corypheus.” She said, taking in a deep breath. “You killed several Tevinter Magisters.” She started to pull the boulder off her, gritting her teeth. “You beat whatever the fuck Meredith was.” The boulder crunched against her bone and a neighboring rock. “You married the shit out of Fenris and gave birth to two children with no healing magic!” She began yelling at herself. “THIS IS NOTHING.” With one good shove, her leg was free again, gushing blood at an alarming rate. “Well that’s no good.” The fireball died. “I’m not strong enough to heal myself to gain more strength. What an awful expression of irony-” Quickly she begins to blackout again. Loss of blood making it difficult to keep her eyes open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm gonna try to write more!


	3. Fenris: The Weakest Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris, crushed, must return to the estate with his children and hold it together for them. But doesn't.

After a couple hours of digging, the guards gave up. With the sun setting on the horizon, exhaustion setting in, and little progress made, Aveline sent them on their way and walked with her two friends back to the city. Merrill spoke constantly on the somber walk home, obviously trying to distract Fenris, whose head hung low on his shoulders.   
Once they reached the city, they parted with Merrill in Lowtown before making their way to Aveline’s home so Fenris could pick his kids up.   
Before opening her front door, Aveline put her hand on his shoulder again.  
“Fenris, I want you to know that we are all here for you. Me, Donnic, Varric, Merrill. We’ll all miss her, but we’d all be more than happy to help you with anything you need.” He just nodded and turned to open the door.   
“Leto, Leandra!” Donnic called from downstairs. “Your Papa’s here to get you!”   
Fenris plastered on a fake smile when his son came running down the stairs and into his Father’s embrace.   
“Papaaaaa!” His little voice squeaked.   
“Hello little one, where’s your sister? We’ve got to be getting home so I can make supper.” Leandra slumped down each stair as if it were extremely difficult to lift her legs.  
“I’m here Papa.” She said, her voice revealing her sadness and unfeeling tones. Fenris’ heart dropped once again when he saw her face. Her eyes were half lidded and her normally large grin was narrowed and downturned. She feared for her mother. She met him at the door and hugged his leg tightly.   
“I wanna go home Papa.” She said into the dirty fabric of his pants.   
“I know. Let’s go.” He calmly stoked her dark hair and looked to the couple before him. “Thank you both. I do not know how to repay you for this.” Donnic waved his hand in front of his face.  
“Please, Fenris. You don’t need to worry about all that. I love seeing the children, even when they’re grumpy.” He squinted at Leandra.   
“Well, you still have my thanks.” Fenris picked his daughter up into one arm and Leto in the other and turned towards the door.   
“I’ll come by in the morning to see you Fenris. We can keep trying.”   
“Alright Aveline. Goodnight.”

 

All during their supper, Leandra barely spoke. Eating only enough soup and bread to satisfy her basic needs.   
Like any normal night, Leandra soaked the dishes and Fenris put Leto to bed, a normally two person job.   
“Where’s Mama?” Asked Leto, rubbing his eyes sluggishly.  
“She’s-” Fenris paused, there was no way he could express to his 3 year old son that his Mother was dead. “She’s on a long trip.” He lied on the spot. “Mamas gone to   
Orlais to get your sister a beautiful new dress and you the sharpest sword the Empress’ army has to offer.” Leto’s eyes glittered.   
“So sharp I could cut through metal?” Fenris chuckled the best he could.  
“Just metal? A sword so sharp you could cut through rock clean through in one hit.” Leto gasped excitedly. “And Leandra will get a dress so gorgeous she’ll shine like diamonds. Now, you need to rest so you can enjoy tomorrow with Merrill right?” The boy nodded and turned over.  
“Goodnight Papa. I love you.” Fenris choked back tears, his innocent son was blissfully ignorant to reality.  
“I love you too Leto.” 

Fenris returned to the kitchen to help Leandra clean up, something Marian usually did with her.  
Wiping the tears from his cheek, he began drying the clean dishes. Leandra just stood there washing for a minute, not looking at her father.  
“You lied to Leto.” She said after a few moments of silence. There was no out.  
“Yes, I did.” he took the wet bowl from her hands. “He wouldn’t have understood.”  
“But Mother isn’t in Orlais!” Leandra said, her small voice cracking. “She’s dead!”  
“Leandra!” Fenris let his tears fall more freely now that he sees his daughter breaking. “I know, I know.” He embraced her and tried to shush her cries. She clung to his shirt and howled, having held it in for most of the day. Something Fenris wasn’t even able to do himself.

Putting Leandra to bed alone wasn’t going to happen. She begged to not be alone, that she could her Marian’s voice when it was quiet. So Fenris bright her to his bed now and read to her until her soft sobs had put her to sleep. Once he was sure she was out, he put the book away and lit the fire manually to keep his mind distracted. It’d been years since he’d actually build a fire. Normally Marian would just flick her wrist and flames would engulf the hearth, but here he was,n sparking flint together, thinking about how that fire flickered in her eyes. Leandra stirred slightly, startled at the scrapping of the two stones. Fenris paused and sighed with relief when she simply turned over.   
“Oh Leandra.” He whispered. How lucky he was to have her. Only seven years old but quick as a whip. She never played with children her age and was always interested in conversations between Marian and their friends. She never liked to be patronized and insisted her parents include her in every issue they faced. Fenris never wanted to. He felt that the children’s place was not to worry about money, or cleaning or taking care of the family, but when Leandra insisted, Hawke was elated. And she held to her word, informing Leandra with everything that went on in their lives, iside from the more intimate things, and Leandra helped to handle the issues without fear. Fenris has always been proud of his strong little girl, but never has he felt that pride more, than when she broke down that evening. She’d cried for a while, telling him all her feelings from the past year or so, emotions she’d bottled up; and when Marian was gone, that bottle filled and overflowed into a mess. He knew all too well how easy and unhealthy it was to keep emotions hidden and seeing that part of himself in his own child was gut-wrenching. 

Once the fire was going enough to warm the room, Fenris laid back down in bed next to Leandra, but instead of trying to sleep, he just stared at the ceiling, thinking of Hawke. Truly he didn't know her fate. All he knew was she was in that cave and was alone, The most that he could hope for is that she’d just been caught behind the rock and that she’d make it home soon. But that was only a blind hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's longer than the first two so yay! but my thoughts were a little jumbled, so I might add on to this later.


	4. Seven Deadly Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marian meets someone who might be able to help her.

Marian began to move again, waking only to find the harsh floor of the cave had been replaced by cool moss and grass. She opened her eyes to the familiar lights of The Fade dancing in the skies above thick oak trees. Orange fogged above her and the brightest green flared from where she imagined the sun might be. This was a strange Fade though. As a mage, she’d spent almost half of her life here and normally knew her own little corner like the back of her hand, but here it was all new. A forest? Where was the knarling stone and screaming souls? Sure she could make it whatever she wanted when she tried hard enough, but she’d just woken up here. There was no explanation for it. So out of fear, Marian just walked; knowing that she’d have to wake eventually in the real world and all this would be over. 

Soon, she came to an open clearing. Here the sky above had finally dissolved into a milky blue, wild flowers swayed in a non-existent breeze, and an eluvian, nearly identical to Merrill’s, stood on the opposite edge, the face black as pitch. Hawke approached the mirror, hoping that it might help her a little. It did nothing at first though, standing, seeming to gawk at Hawke’s confusion. Finally, she brought a single finger to the surface of the mirror and watched as the glass rippled outward and quickly the darkness cleared to reveal Fenris, standing alone above her. 

“F-Fenris?” She stuttered, realizing just how much she already missed her husband. 

“Hawke?!” He sounded surprised, as if he happened to be strolling around inside a mirror. 

“Fenris, please, I need your help. I’m trapped insid-” He scoffed, catching Marian off guard.

“You want my help?” She nodded, desperation obvious in her expression. “Why should I help the woman who would so easily leave her loving family?”

“L-Leave?! No. Oh no Fenris, please Love, I didn’t leave. I’d never!” Suddenly two shadows appeared next to his knees. One was taller and had two small embers that blazed blue, the other smaller shadow had no color but clung to Fenris’ leg. She assumed them to be her kids.

“You did though, creating a story to confuse your children so you could sneak out once they were gone.” Hawke violently shook her head. “A typical apostate who cannot handle herself and must flee to safety even when there is none for your kind to begin with.” She was sure if it were at all possible, she could feel her heart physically break. 

“Is Mama coming back?” asked the tiny shadow, but before Marian could answer, the larger shadow spoke with venom in her words.

“No Leto, she’s not. Dear Mother had left you to the templars and me and Father to the wolves. She could be dead and at least that way she’d have some honor.” Hawke’s eyes stung with tears and she fell to her knees.

“NO! No no No nonononono” She kept repeating. “Leandra, Leto, I’d never leave you! I’m your Mummy! Look! I’m right here!” The shadows didn’t respond, neither did Fenris. 

“I hope she rots.” said the small voice, who was now blazing with flame. 

“I hope I never see her again.” The shadow assumed to be Leandra added.

“I hope she really is trapped, and I hope she dies in there alone.” 

“Fenris? Please.” Marian begged.

“I thought you loved us.” He pulled the shadows closer to him and leaned forward to her. “I thought you loved me.”

She was full on sobbing now. Such harmful words from the only family she had left, and she couldn’t take it.

“I DO LOVE YOU!” Hawke launched forward and charging with her shoulder, smashed the mirror to nothing. Falling to the ground, she repeats those words to herself, squeezing her eyes closed tightly. 

“I do love you.”  
“I do love you.”  
“I do love you.”

“And just how are you going to prove that to them?” Marian was interrupted by the sultry voice of a man. “How are you going to do that when you’re in here?” She rose her head and found herself back in the cave. A glowing green emanating from just beyond her view, but that shone throughout to show her the outline of her sleeping, mortal body that lay limply on the stone ground.

“Who are you?” She choked, trying to catch her breath. In the low light, she saw the figure on a man float down from a high rock, his silhouette initially scarring her. He came closer to her, revealing two large horns that curled behind his head instead of hair, and the shimmer of chains that draped over his shoulders and hung from his nipples.

“I don’t actually remember my name dearie.” He smiled and unfolded his left hand to ignite a flame in his palm, illuminating his facial features. Hawke was drawn to his pure black eyes. “But I suppose you could call me ‘Gold’.” He moved to her sleeping body, gracefully tracing her jawline with his free hand.

“What the fuck do you want then Gold?” He looked up to her.

“I want to help you.” He stood, throwing the flames at the wall and watched as a large blaze of orange created a more steady light source. She now saw his body in full and her mouth got dry. His skin was lush as lavender, plush looking and accented with deep colors of wine. She thought of Fenris. Bits of black and white speckled his arms and face like freckles. His muscles forced his skin taut and flexed with each movement. Gold chuckled when he saw her staring. 

“Have you ever seen a demon like me?” He touched his toes to the floor and walked slowly towards her. 

“No.” She shook her head. “And believe me, I’ve seen my fair share.” She stepped backward frantically when he came close until her back was against the stone. 

“That’s because I’m not.” He held her cheek with a soft hand. “I’m a spirit of longing. And oh do you long for your family. All I want is to help you reunite with them.” She shuddered from his closeness, trying to keep her mind on Fenris. Gold now pressed his hips into her side.

“I-I’ve got nothing to offer in return.” She hung her head away from him. 

“Oh don’t worry. I don’t want coin or anything material.” His voice went low. “ All I want is to come with you.”

“I will not bind you to me. I’ve met Justice and they always start out nice but before you know it the Chantry’s blown to nothing and everyone’s angry at you.” He smiled absently, grabbing her chin to force eye contact again.

“No, no. Nothing like that. I just wanna…” He drew in closer and whispered into her ears. “...catch a ride.” the breath on her neck raised hairs on her arms and a blush on her cheeks that a married woman shouldn’t have in the presence of any man other than her husband.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure how long this is gonna be, and I'm just writing in my down time in school.  
> Also Leandra and Leto are just my ideas of what Fenris and Marian's children would be like.


End file.
